and so i return

I return to the point where I don’t know what to do.
I want to feel something. I’m not numb though. I just want to feel something different maybe.
I pick up the blade, shining in the light. It fits perfectly into my hand.
I test it out, try to see what I remember. Not too deep…
I make 6 more marks on my left wrist. More blood than I remember.
I sit and watch the blood come up and I cry.
I forgot how much pain there was in the days following. Showering hurt, water, soap, anything at all.
I sit and cry…